Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
