it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
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my being single is dangerous.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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