you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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