I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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