if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
