Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
as a side note pls kill me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
