so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
