dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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