I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
