Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
