What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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