Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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