8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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