I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
