ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
