Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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