The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
