she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
