woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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