2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
