it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
