I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
