We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
