i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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