How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
