look no pants
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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