Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.