I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same