i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think my nap took me to another dimension