while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?