did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
