Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
