I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
