so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
