I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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