She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom