He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today