ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?