I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.