you suck at this game today
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.