Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
