The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
