nut hugger
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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