I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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