Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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