I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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