your thong is hanging out like whoa
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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