yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
