are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
