We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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