I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How does it feel to date your dad?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
