Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
