people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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