While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
