what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
