Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
