What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
