You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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