he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
my liver is dry heaving
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
