We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
