I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
