I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize