Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
