Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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