Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
