By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
