I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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