Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
