I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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