And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize