I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
