Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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