I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
