MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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