We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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