the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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