it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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