I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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