I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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