I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
