:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
