Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I will pee on everything he values.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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