Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My balls are so social today.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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