What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
