Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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