Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
