my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
