watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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